Guest Post by Simone Milasas
The literal definition of relationship is the distance between two things. Are you creating a relationship that creates distance and separation? Or is your relationship contributing and adding to your life? Relationship is a business. How exactly are you running your relationship?
What if you woke up every morning and said, “Wow, I’m in this relationship. Now what can I create that I haven’t been able to create before?” What if relationship was not only one plus one, but one plus one million?
Check out these 10 tips from my partner Brendon Watt and I to create a greater relationship!
#1. Are you having fun? If you are not having fun, ask yourself why are you doing it? Because you don’t have to have a relationship; it’s not a necessity, it is a choice. If you are not having fun, ask, “What else is possible?”, or “What can I be or do different to change this?” Rather than deciding anything with a relationship, you need to go to question. Look at any situation that you may be doubting and ask, “Is this contracting my life, or is it expanding my life?” And, if it is not adding to your life, are you sure you want it? Instead of listening to friends and family; what if you chose for you? Simply ask, “Does this relationship add to my life?” Yes or no?
#2. Have your partner’s back. What does that mean? Allowing your partner to change and be everything they can possibly be. And when they are going through something, it means they are changing and you know that they will get through it and come out greater; because, does your life ever truly get worse or does it just keep getting better and better? And what if you could have your own back too? If you are not willing to have your own back, you won’t have anyone else’s. Having your own back means that you know you are brilliant and that you have your sad and sorry or ‘pathetic’ moments, yet you also know you will always get out of those moments.
#3. No expectations. If you expect or project that your partner should be something or someone, then instantly, they either need to go to judgment, or you do. Just because your partner chose something yesterday, doesn’t mean they are going to choose it again today. What if you had no definition of who they are and you could give them the space to be them? What if you didn’t function with your partner as who they were yesterday but who they are today? I don’t have the same relationship with Brendon every day; it seems like we are not the same people. We look at who we are each day.
#4. Allowance. You need to be in allowance of your partner changing and in allowance of your partner choosing everything that they would like to choose. Whatever your partner is doing and being, let them be that. However, you cannot expect someone to change, you need to allow them to change. If you expect them to change, that creates conflict and confrontation, which is very different than allowing them to change. How much allowance can you have for both you and your partner?
#5. Be grateful. Look at who you are and be grateful for you. Look at the person in front of you in relationship and be grateful for them. Rather than ‘expect’ or ‘separate’ or ‘project’, look at who you are with and be grateful for them. You chose them for a reason. If you woke up with someone this morning and said, “I am so grateful for you. You add to my life”, would your life be different?
#6. Wake up with a different partner every day. Caught your attention, didn’t I? No, I don’t mean a different body. If you destroy and uncreate your relationship with your partner every night, you wake up with a new partner and a new relationship every single day! It’s as simple as saying those words – ‘everything our relationship was yesterday, I destroy and uncreate it.’ This allows completely new and expansive possibilities to show up. Even if you have been together with your partner for 20 years, you can allow it to be new and different every single day. Do you want sex to be the same every time you have sex? What if every time you had sex, it was completely different? You can play with it; the same way you play with a relationship.
#7. No one is wrong. You are not meant to be in a relationship and walk around being happy all the time. The mantra of Access Consciousness is ‘all of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory’. You can use that at any time for literally anything. Relationship is not about getting it right. Just because it starts with an ‘R’, doesn’t mean it has to be right. And it also doesn’t have to be wrong. It’s just fun.
#8. Give men their space. Most men process things in a very different way to women and they require the space. When Brendon is going through something, I will ask him one or two questions such as, “Can I get you anything? Do you need anything?”; from the energy of having his back, not from ‘looking for the answer’. And then I will give him space to be and do what he needs to. You are not required to ‘fix’ your partner.
#9. Hire a handyman. I see some women order men around and tell them what to do all the time. This is not honouring them. You will destroy and contract the man in your life. If you want something done, don’t expect your partner to do it. Follow the advice of Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness; years ago, he said “If something needs fixing, hire a handyman.” As I said before, do not expect your partner to be something or do something, even if a faucet needs fixing. Just enjoy your partner.
#10. Shut up. Every time you go to say anything, look at it and ask, “Is this actually going to contribute?” or “What future is this going to create?” It may contribute a lot more to say nothing.
So, what if you were willing to have fun with your partner? What if it was a place of contribution, a place of creation and a place of play? What would that look like? What would that be today? Join Simone Milasas & Brendon Watt November 5/6th (depending on where you are in the world) for Relationships & Money Telecall HERE!