Most of us are great at identifying our limitations, problems and issues. We know what’s “wrong” with us, and we focus on changing that. What many of us have never experienced is someone assisting us in seeing what we have changed and acknowledging and celebrating that!
“The difficulty with judging ourselves and focusing on what’s wrong, is that it is ultimately destructive to us…”
Somehow, acknowledging ourselves, what we’ve created or changed, seems almost sacrilege. Many of us have been told that that’s arrogant or boastful or not productive. This just gives support to the idea that we should constantly be judging ourselves to see what’s wrong. I’ve even heard a woman talk about how her mother told her repeatedly, “I only tell you what’s wrong with you so you know what to change.”
The difficulty with judging ourselves and focusing on what’s wrong, is that it is ultimately destructive to us, our lives and our living. Judgment does not allow us to grow or create, it only creates more wrongness.
Here’s an exercise you can try. Choose a piece of fruit. You can take a bite of it or not. Get a pen and piece of paper and write down 5 things that are wrong with the piece of fruit. It might be the color or there’s a brown spot or the flavor could be better, etc. How do you feel after writing down those five “wrong” things? What is your view of that piece of fruit? Do you have a sense of creation and expansion or contraction? Now please take a moment and destroy and uncreate all of your projections, expectations, separations, rejections, judgments about that piece of fruit. (You can just ask for this to be done.)
“What’s right about you you’re not getting?”
Take a few minutes to walk around a bit, maybe go outside and take a few deep breaths. Now come back to the piece of fruit. This time you are going to acknowledge five things you’re grateful for about the fruit. Take a moment to really look at the color, to savor the taste, to consider what a contribution it could be to you or your body. Write down the five positive things about this piece of fruit. What do you notice? Are you feeling more expansive? What does this exercise tell you about what happens when we focus on identifying and fixing what’s “wrong” with us? Are you willing to change your focus?
This is not about making things up or pretending that issues don’t exist – it’s about a shift from problem hunting to acknowledging the good and going forward. There’s a very powerful Access Consciousness tool that asks: What’s right about you you’re not getting?” Try going about your day asking this, with the substitution of “me” for “you”. What might that create?
As we are stepping out of looking only for what’s “wrong” with us, we are also stepping out of focusing on our past.
“What if your past didn’t define you?”
What if your past didn’t define you? If you’re focusing on the time you were rude or mean to someone, can you really move forward? Make amends if you need to and choose to be different. When you are kind to someone, (and that includes yourself), please acknowledge that! Just the act of acknowledging sets us up to choose more of that energy.
Often, we see what we are looking for. If you are looking for what’s wrong with you, that’s what you’ll find. If you are looking for what’s right about you, and what you have changed, you will find a lot more of that!
One thing to note here: part of the reason we often don’t acknowledge the progress we have made, is that once something has changed, we often don’t remember “how it was.” If you were a major nail biter and you suddenly stopped, not biting your nails will now feel normal to you and biting your nails won’t even be part of your universe! It can be helpful to enlist a friend here. Choose someone who truly cares for you and ask them if they have noticed any changes you have made. Chances are they will have a much clearer view of you than you will!
By acknowledging the changes you have made, instead of focusing on what’s “wrong” with you, you are taking charge of creating a more expansive and joyful life and future. Is that something that might be a contribution to you?
“By acknowledging the changes you have made… you are taking charge of creating a more expansive and joyful life and future.”
Would you like more change? More tools to see what’s right about you? Maybe checking out Dr. Dain Heer’s book, Being You Changing the World would contribute.
Would you be interested in more about being the brilliance of you? Check out this Voice America Episode with the Founder of Access Consciousness, Gary Douglas and Dr Dain Heer.