Sex in our modern world has so many meanings shoveled onto one word that it’s not exactly a rose, it’s more like a whole flower garden, and the result isn’t necessarily always a beautiful creation.
When the way we think about things creates our reality, how much confusion are we perpetuating in this area by being so unclear about language?
Gary Douglas, best-selling author and founder of Access Consciousness, and Dr. Dain Heer, have a different way of looking at this that could create a lot more clarity. The authors of Sex Is Not A Four Letter Word But Relationships Often Times Is suggest using six different words to describe different aspects of sex.
These words are sensuality, sex, sexuality, copulation, sexualness, and orgasm.
Sensuality is what bodies like. Most of us don’t get nearly enough of this nurturing touch, perhaps in part because of how much we confuse it with other components of sex, such as copulation.
The necessity of the human need to be touched is demonstrated by the deaths of infants in orphanages who died when given adequate physical care but were deprived of touching and holding.
Sex, as Douglas and Heer describe it, is that energy you emit when you are “looking good, feeling good, and strutting your stuff.” You’re likely to get whistles and flirtatious glances because your energy is inviting others to flow that sexual energy towards you. This can be fun for everyone and does NOT have to lead to copulation either!
Interestingly, this energy of sex can be created without the need for another person present around you. Being dependent on that other person who is around or in relationship with you can actually distort and destroy your relationship by creating an unnatural dependence on that person to supply what could truly come from within you.
Sexuality is a definition, and like all definitions, is a judgment. It defines whom you will and will not receive the flow of sexual energy from. “I am a straight man,” “I am a gay woman,” are examples of this definition. Are you one sex, or are you an infinite being? Couldn’t an infinite being receive sexual energy from everyone? Again, receiving the energy does not mean you have to act on it!
Copulation is the act of putting body parts together, any body parts, in any combination. Have you noticed how much reluctance we have to experience the aspects of sex described above, for fear they would lead to copulation? What if we were clear that copulation was a choice that could be chosen or not chosen at any point? Might that create more clarity and ease in this area?
Sexualness is the creative, caring, healing, and nurturing energy of life itself. Sexualness can occur not only during copulation but whenever any creative caring nurturing activity is entered into. You can be sexual eating a great meal, or a great person! Sexualness is receiving on this planet, and it exists in everything.
Orgasm is the energy that creates the body, nurtures the body, and keeps the body young.
If you’d like a reminder of how nurturing and expansive this energy feels, try taking a few minutes to pull the energy of orgasm through your body from your feet all the way up. Now keep that energy flowing for a while, how does your body feel? This works even if the last orgasm you had was 100 years ago! If you nourished your body with that energy daily, would it have to show those signs of aging that we’ve come to expect are “unavoidable”?
Remember the last conversation you had about sex. What if instead of using the word sex, you began to explore using the words above to accurately describe the energy of what you were really talking about and what you meant? Would the conversations on this area be clearer? What if you were to use these words every time you thought about or discussed the subject?
Might your sexual garden get a little less weedy? We’re definitely willing to try and find out!