Letting Go Of Judgment

by Access Administrator on September 3, 2014

We live in a world of judgment: This is the right thing to do, this is the wrong thing to do, that person is being very inappropriate, that person is always so kind. Yet what does judgment create?  Is it a contribution to our lives or is it destructive?

I’ve looked at the process and practice of judging over the years and have become aware of a number of it’s characteristics and effects.

  1. When we judge, nothing that doesn’t match our judgment can enter our awareness. Suppose your financial advisor suggests a stock that does well, and you then decide, (judge), that he’s the best financial advisor in Australia.  Can you see that his first pick might have been a fluke?  Or that his wife has left him and he’s not keeping up with the business as he had? Not at all! Your choice to judge him as a wonderful broker automatically disqualifies any awareness that isn’t compatible with what you have decided is true. You could lose a lot of money sticking with that judgment!

  2. Judgment, even positive judgment, locks people into boxes and often prevents them from growing and changing.  I once had a very beautiful woman as a client. Her whole life people had been commenting on her beauty and how fortunate she was.  As this was all she had heard, she believed that this was all there was to her, and she had become obsessive about her body and her looks.  Help!  I’ve gained a quarter of a kilo, I  think I see a fine line around my right eye.  Because of her identification with the judgment of her beauty, she didn’t value anything else.  She was kind person, a very talented artist, and extremely bright.  None of this mattered as it had nothing to do with the one thing she had been judged and validated for.

  3. Judgment is also a way to control people and influence their choices.  We’ve all heard things like: “Only sissy boys play the violin instead of going out for football.” And: “Of course you will grow up to run the family business.” Or: “You don’t want to marry him, he’s not our kind.” Judgment is used to limit other’s choices and get people to do things that we or someone else wants them to do.

  4. Judgment is always arbitrary.  Many of us have accepted judgments are real and true, when they are actually just someone’s or some institution’s opinion.  Twenty years ago “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” was judged to be a good child rearing practice, now it would be considered child abuse.

  5. Judgment creates the shoulds, oughts, and blame and shame of our lives Are these ever really helpful?  Do they ever generate kindness and gratitude and generosity of spirit, or do they just contract people hand contribute to general unhappiness?

  6. Judgment ensures that we live our lives on automatic pilot.  If everything has been decided ahead of time, then there’s no point in being present.  You know who you’re supposed to be and how you’re supposed to act.  How much room is there for you to actually be you?

So why do we judge so much? I’ve been asking this question for many years and here are some of the reasons I’ve heard: Many people express a fear that without judgment to keep them in line, they would be naturally mean or selfish.  If you are even thinking this, I can guarantee it would not be true. People who are mean and selfish never question themselves or their motives.  Another justification I’ve been given for judging is that it gives people a sense of security.  It’s like a rulebook one can follow, and If you follow it, you can escape being judged as wrong!  It also gives some people an excuse to be self righteous.  The bottom line is that we’ve all been conditioned to not trust ourselves so we look to systems of judgment to make sure we are doing the “right” thing  - and for validation.  What if you let go of judgment?  What would your world look like?

There is an alternative to judgment and that is awareness.  Awareness and judgment can look the same, but awareness has no emotional charge to it and can change in a second as people or circumstances change, while judgment has feelings and emotions associate with it and locks the decision or conclusions into place forever. “That man is being mean to his dog.” can be an awareness or a judgment depending on whether there is a charge and a solidification to the statement.

If you are interested in moving beyond judgment there are a couple of things you might try.  The first is to give yourself a judgment free day.  Every time a judgment pops up, just say: “Sorry, this is a judgment free day.  You will have to come back tomorrow.”  Another thing you can do is to get our in nature.  Nature never judges.  Can you imagine the flower saying: “I’m going to bloom for you but not you over there.”? Judgment is a human creation.  Nature knows better! I would also encourage anyone looking to limit judgment to take a look at the people in their lives.  Who judges you and who doesn’t?  How is it to be with these two different groups?  I’ve found it’s much more expansive to have people in my life who don’t judge me, themselves or other.

To judge or not to judge is really a choice.  What choice will bring you the greatest happiness and ease?

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Acknowledging Your Creativity

by Access Administrator on September 2, 2014

There are three points in the Access Consciousness Bars that are about creating: Creativity, Creating Connections and Creating Life Forms.   For many people just talking about these points brings up a lot of self-judgment.  Statements like: “Oh I’m not a creative person, I can’t even draw a stick figure.” or “My sister’s the creative one in the family.” and “I wish I were creative but I know I’m not, do you think running these Bars could help that?”  are common, whether they are spoken aloud or said energetically. Have you ever questioned YOUR creativity?  If you’re like most people, you probably have!

But what if we’ve all been given a much too narrow definition of creativity?  What if it’s not just about painting or dancing or singing or writing poetry?  What if those were just very few examples of the ways creativity can show up?  Creativity is about stepping out of the norm and seeing things in a different way. It’s about creating change; and it’s about choosing from the awareness of greater possibilities; it can be about physically actualizing something that’s never been physically actualized before as well as being a catalyst for change.  Whenever you are being the unique being that you are, you are being creative. How cool is that?

Let’s look at some of the more unconventional ways creativity can show up:

·   Instead of reacting with your child, you ask them a question. It could be anything from ‘What would you like to create here?’ Or, ‘What else is possible?’ By asking a question you’ve just brought a new possibility into existence.

·   You have a new idea about how to connect mentors and employees

·   You put together an Access class, and with your facilitation and the material  - people change.

·   You show up as the infinite being that you are and the people around you change.

·   You choose to relate to your partner in a totally new way.

·   Your approach to your business is completely unique.

·   You make up a game. (Did you do that as a kid?  Did you judge it and yourself then?)

·   You adjust a recipe to your liking.

·   You rearrange the furniture.

·   You empower one person to be more of who they truly are.

We are all far more creative than most of us imagine.  Sometimes we even create messes!  The good news is that, if you can create a big mess, are you also capable of creating an equally great something that adds to your life?

Speaking of life, how many of us actually get that we create our lives? It’s so easy to believe that things “just happen” because that’s what we have been brought up to believe.  The “it just happened” approach denies the power and potency of each of us.  Think of a time in your life when a great new job or relationship came into your life.  Did it “just happen” or did you actually pull it in and create it as part of your reality?  This idea can be a bit startling, even daunting, but would you be willing to begin to be aware of how much you actually create in your life? As soon as you acknowledge you as the poten creator you are, a great deal can change that you thought might never change.

There’s a tool in Access Consciousness that goes like this:  Your point of view creates your reality, your reality doesn’t create your point of view.  Let’s say that you’ve had some difficult experiences with the other sex.  Maybe you’ve decided that all men are bad or all women will betray you.  If that is your point of view, then that is what you will create in your life because nothing that doesn’t match your point of view can come into your life.  If you are willing to change your point of view, and stop concluding that it is “the truth”, than you can create something entirely different in your life.  In this case, you might ask a question like:  “I wonder what it would take for a kind and caring partner or friend to come into my life?”  Or “What’s possible for me with the other sex that I haven’t ever imagined?” As you begin to shift you points of view and allow for different possibilities, you can step into a space where you can create more of what you would actually like to have in your life.

Being creative is really about being totally alive and present without judgments and fixed points of view.  It’s about the willingness for every moment to be an adventure instead of a point on the line of your automatic pilot program. It’ really about you being you, without all of the baggage that most of us have collected over the years.

Yes – YOU are creativity walking! What would you like to create in your life?

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Are You In The computation Of Your Life?

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Would you be Willing to Step Beyond anyone else’s Limitations?

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Are You Smart Enough To Keep things Simple?

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How I Ended the Torture by Giving Up My Purpose

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5 Things I Never Thought Could Change… That Did!

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I was doing interviews the other day of people who have been taking Access Consciousness classes. As a closing question I asked, “what is different now?” Person after person threw back their head and laughed before exclaiming “everything!!” That pretty much sums it up. I remember when I began dabbling around this work, I wasn’t [...]

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How to create a greater relationship?

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Tips for creating more kindness in your life

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