What Is Right Recovery For You?

by Access Administrator on July 29, 2014

What if recovery has nothing to do with stopping a behavior, or even getting ourselves back to a previous state?  True recovery is the process of recovering all of us, and with that, all of the possibilities for ourselves and our lives.  Most of us have greatly limited what we have decided we are and can be, particularly after certain events like divorce, death of a loved one or active addictions in ourselves or others.  Despite what we have been led to believe by this reality, we can move beyond any part of our past. True recovery allows us to see the greatness of us that has been hidden – perhaps for years. Would you be willing to discover a YOU that’s beyond anything you’ve ever imagined?

I’ve recovered from many different things in my life – divorce, abusive relationships, addiction to alcohol and cigarettes, the death of family members and friends, a chronic illness, and even some bouts with depression. While this reality suggests we need different paths to recovering from these events, what I’ve discovered for myself and my clients of 23 years as a psychotherapist, is that true recovery is a process of personal transformation and creation. It is applicable to addictions and  losses of all kinds, as it releases us from the limitations that have kept us small, contracted, and unaware of what is potentially possible for each of us. It is not about managing symptoms, or addressing each “issue” one by one. It is a paradigm shift. Old patterns and belief systems drop away because they are incompatible with the true YOU!

Right Recover For You provides effective and easy to use tools and techniques that you can apply to empower yourself. Many of us have been captive by the very destructive primary addiction of this reality, which is to judgment and the wrongness of self. Are you ready to let go of judgment? Right Recovery can assist you in getting out of the destructive grip of self judgment and into the space and peace of allowance and possibilities.

What if there were many more choices for you than you ever know were available? Is there something that you haven’t chosen to look at or deal with or change because this reality says you won’t be able to change it? What if you could change it with more ease than you’ve ever imagined?  What if you were truly free to create the life and living you’ve always desired?  What if the world needs the gift of who you truly are?  The world is waiting for you!

by Marilyn Bradford MSSW, MEd, CFMW

Meet Marilyn Bradford on AccessConsciousness.TV

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Family: Friend Or Foe?

by Access Administrator on July 28, 2014

What does the word “family” mean to you?  Does it bring up memories and images of warmth, security, caring and nurturing, or is it sometimes a little more like being sucked into a rabbit hole backwards?  Dr. Dain Heer jokingly created an acronym for family: F—ed up and mainly interested in limiting you!

Instead of being a restful safe haven, a place of nurturing and nourishment, many people experience their families as abusive and disempowering environments filled with blame, shame, should, oughts, trauma/drama, expectations and projections, with little to no acknowledgement of them as a unique being.  That this is covert rather than overt only adds to the sense of insanity.

As a child, you may have experienced your joy, curiosity, enthusiasm, talents, and abilities as being perceived by your family as too much, too loud, an annoyance, or even a threat. You may have been hypersensitive and overwhelmed by all you were perceiving, so you began to shut off and shut down who you actually were, often taking on roles and behaviors that were deemed acceptable and kept you safe from the judgments and criticism. These false roles and behaviors become associated with being with your family and tend to get activated anytime you go “home”.

So even though you may be 25, or 35, or 60, as soon as you cross the family threshold, or sit down at the dinner table, or even have a phone conversation with mom or dad or the grandma, it activates the time when you were 3, or

6, or 14 and were shamed or decided you didn’t fit or whatever it was for you, and you seek an escape into the “not you”.  This is the place where you are required pretend that everything is fine, ignoring the meanness of Aunt Sally or the drunkenness of Uncle Bob, and the message is still: YOU ARE WRONG IF YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH. It’s totally crazy making. Please remember, just because you FEEL CRAZY – doesn’t mean you actually are!

This is all further compounded by the pressure of family and society to put being loyal and supporting your family ahead of anything that’s happening in your life.  If a family member has a problem, big or small, You are expected to be there, put your life on hold, and ignore the lunacy of it all.

The good news is that there are some practical tools and strategies that you can use to change all of this.  Remember, you can’t change your family, but you can certainly change you.

1. What if you were to begin to acknowledge that the supposed “wrongness” of you is not real but comes from having bought other’s opinions or having drawn inaccurate conclusions about what events meant. All judgments are arbitrary, and many of us were judged when we were children in order to make us controllable. For example, if you were very curious and active as a child, you may have been censored simply because your parents didn’t know how to deal with you, or simply didn’t care to deal with that level of creativity.  What if you acknowledged how amazingly curious, active and creative you are and how much that actually contributes to the world? As children, we think of our parents as gods, as knowing more than we do, but this is rarely the case. As Gary Douglas says: What if every “wrongness” is a strongness?

2. How many hats are you wearing? If you were to acknowledge all  the family roles you are playing, and make a commitment to yourself to either play them with awareness, if that will create more for you, or to not play them despite the pull to do so, what would that create? In either case you will be demonstrating to yourself that you do not need to value your family’s realities and insanities more than what you know to be true for you. This is part of caring and honoring you.  Will there be pressure to change back into the old controllable you?  Absolutely!  What if you can be aware of that for what it is, and not make it significant?  You can use the tool: ‘Interesting point of view I have this point of view’. If you are willing to be you without going into aligning and agreeing or resisting or reacting, you will create a space for yourself and a choice for others to move beyond what has been into a space of new possibilities.

3. Ask questions!  As Gary Douglas, the Founder of Access Consciousness, says: There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who don’t ask questions!  Most families rely on fixed answers, assumptions, conclusions and decisions and actually discourage questions.  Even if your family is not open to your questions, can you create a different space for yourself with your family if you are willing be in the question with yourself?  Some useful ones are: Is this working for me?  If not, what can I be or do different to change this? Am I in the computation of my life right now? Am I buying into old roles and expectations? Am I making someone else’s reality greater than mine?  If so, what else is possible?  What would be honoring of me?  Am I putting family loyalty ahead of me?  What is the value of doing that?  What other choices do I have?  All of these, and they are just a small sample, can assist you in staying out of the madness.

4. Remember that you have choice. Families tend to create a place of seemingly no choice but that is a lie. Just because you’ve spent two weeks every holiday season with them for the past twenty years, doesn’t mean you can’t choose to make a three-day visit instead if that will work better for you. Have you ever noticed that when you do what works for you it also works better for everyone else involved? In other words, do what works for you and by so doing you will be including everyone you care about in the computation without trying to make it only about them and excluding yourself.

Despite what we’ve been led to believe, our families do not have to control us or our lives.  If you had a caring and supportive family, that’s wonderful!  If you did not, you can still take the actions to care and honor you and your life and the people who are related to you by knowing that choice, questions, possibilities and contribution are the stepping stones to creating a different reality.

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What Made Me Choose to be an Access Certified Facilitator?

July 25, 2014 Access Consciousness

I have asked for the Certified Facilitators around the world to tell me what made them choose to become a CF?  Below are a few of the responses I received.  I received A LOT and it was interesting to read them all.  For 30 odd years I wandered the planet travelling, trying so many different [...]

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Are you looking to be truly original?

July 20, 2014 Access Consciousness

For years now I’ve been wondering what the hell is going on with me in one specific area of my life. No matter how hard i tried, I couldn’t write a solid article for the life of me. I had a very difficult time creating. Everything I did just seemed like it wasn’t special enough, [...]

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Are You Willing To Be Uncomfortable?

July 11, 2014 Access Consciousness

As you use the tools of Access Consciousness, you will become more aware, and as you become more aware, you may also become more uncomfortable. Consciousness is not always comfort and often what happens is that most of us judge this experience as a wrongness that should be avoided or overcome at all costs. What [...]

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Benevolent Capitalism

July 6, 2014 Access Consciousness

Capitalism has steered the world economy to remarkable prosperity in the past two hundred years. It has lifted millions out of poverty and created innovations that have made western society what it is. Yet it has also proved dysfunctional in significant ways since too many capitalists have chosen to operate with a high level of [...]

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Changing Realities With Horses

June 30, 2014 Access Consciousness

Five years ago the “Make a wish foundation” gave my daughter Pernille a horse. He was a difficult horse. Very stubborn, afraid of many things as plastic, bicycles, new things and he wouldn’t let anyone except his previous owner ride him. She was a very skilled rider, working with her horses as a horse therapist and [...]

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Going beyond abuse

June 25, 2014 Access Consciousness

How often do you judge your bodies as wrong, bad, ugly, old or just plain impotent? A little, a lot, or a mega-ton-a-latte? How often do you nurture, appreciate, adore and soothe your bodies into being? A little, a little less then that, or a mega-less-than-that? Dr. Dain Heer says, “If I could have my [...]

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What is your Purpose of Life?

June 20, 2014 Happiness

How many of you have been doing everything possible to make sure people you care for are happy? I have done that all my life. It was my purpose. So I lived every day from the question “ What else can I do or be to make my parents, then my friends, and later in life - [...]

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Generosity of spirit… or my lack there of… and NOW what!?

June 19, 2014 Questions

Do you ever have a realization about yourself that you really don’t like? I was sitting in a class years ago with a bunch of other facilitators and was asked “if the person sitting next to you won $10,000,000 lottery at lunch, how many of you would be happy for them?” Everyone’s hands immediately shot [...]

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